oneshoe

2008-06-23T11:37:00.002-05:00

hai... i'm back. don't be scared. just wanted to bug ya a little! (ha, i made a funny!)

surgery went well, so the surgeon says, and i guess he should know. so now i got 4 extra holes in mah bellah... i try not to drink anything too fast else i might look like a sprinkler (okay, so maybe i've been watching too many cartoons lately). overall i'm feeling well, get strange pains here and there sometimes but the doc says that's to be expected after having foriegn objects inside.

hope you're all well and didn't miss me bugging you too much (ha! another funny!) (okay, maybe the second time around it isn't that funny... whatever.)

2008-06-05T12:31:00.002-05:00

ok... maybe i won't be right back, and maybe i'm not goin sleddin. but i don't know when i'll post again seeing how i'm goin under the knife in the mornin.

i'll try to stay off the pain killers long enough to write something coherent in the next couple'a days. meanwhile, ya'll take care of yourselves... be nice to da kittahs... and have some fun

2008-06-04T10:32:00.001-05:00

lets hope i don't resemble anything like dis after surgery!

i mean... if i come out wuf anything like a long black tail, someone's gettin sued!

2008-06-02T09:07:00.000-05:00

one of da best mooovies evah... immortalized by da kittah!

2008-05-30T11:21:00.002-05:00

i hope my surgeon has 2 arms! ...by the way, i have a pre-op consult scheduled for tues afternoon... to schedule da removal of all da extra gall i seem to have.

goodbye to da gallbladder... hello to da 4 scars on ma bellah!

2008-05-29T11:56:00.002-05:00

not only is da bafroom broked on the space stashun... but dere seems to be huge kitteh heads peakin over da side of da moon dese dayz!

2008-05-28T16:24:00.002-05:00

yes... this is what i need after this past weekend, an exorcism! for those of you who don't know, i spent 2 of the 3 days of our lovely holiday weekend in the hospital. i had a gallstone attack (insert "you've got a lot of gall" joke here) and it wasn't pretty.

so now i'm looking for a priest/ferret to make them go away - any suggestions?

2008-05-23T08:17:00.002-05:00

so yeah... me too. now there's one less doctur in the world.

now if we could just take care of the lawyers

2008-05-22T13:29:00.002-05:00

for my buddies in safety... i couldn't pass this one up.

now if someone had just put the screen back in front of the fire maybe da doggie wouldn't be covered in so much soot!

2008-05-13T09:47:00.000-05:00

'nuff said.

caption contest!!!

2008-05-12T14:53:00.002-05:00

this is one of the greatest pics i've seen in a long time -

it needs an equally great caption... so come on, oil up those creative minds and leave your caption in the comments section

you know you have something to say!!

2008-05-09T12:33:00.001-05:00

...your mudder wus a hamsteh, and your fadder smelt of elderberries!

now go away or i shall taunt you a second time!

oh an happie mudders day on sundaies.

2008-05-08T13:46:00.002-05:00

employee appreciation week????

i thot it wuz kitteh appreciation week... thas wy we got da free pizza!

dangit... busted again by da man!

when is kitteh appreciation week...? can i has cheezburger den?

2008-05-06T09:49:00.003-05:00

ooooohhh! a choklat lake, how wonnerful! i can sticks my face in it and slurps it all up... it will be like huge iced mocha, like the biggest bottle of hershey syrup eveh! like melted choklat chippies... wait, dis not choklat... is not even fud!

you trick-ed me.

2008-05-05T08:49:00.002-05:00

in honor of our vice president who is scheduled to bring cookies to our workplace today... we have a kitteh cookie pic.

let's hope he doesn't have dis problem.

2008-05-01T14:31:00.001-05:00

very brave... in fact next door is a hot wings place, that i'm gonna strut past, and then after that i'm gonna cross the road. take that!

i iz berry brave indeed.

2008-04-29T13:46:00.002-05:00

this one's for upsidedown and that other horse-person i grew up with... when i saw it i knew i had to post it for you two.

horsey so funny! great imaginashun.

2008-04-29T09:32:00.003-05:00

srsly... it's in the mail. what? you wanna pick the kind of cheez too?

what's wrong wit you? can't you just accept da cheezburger and be happy? why you gotta think there's somptin goin on under da pulpit?

maybe der is, but dats a whole 'nother post altogether.

2008-04-28T09:57:00.000-05:00

it's monday again.

wouldn't you know it? seems like it happens every dang week! who made up this stupid calendar anyway?

2008-04-25T12:48:00.001-05:00

here is my friend, "upsidedown", when she comes back in her next life as a cat.

...makes me think of our favorite "Far Side" ...puuuut thheeee caaaaaaattt ooouuuuuttt!!

2008-04-24T13:04:00.003-05:00

i think he's going up there to check on those pesky chinese... you know the ones who sent that ginormous spider down?

but i told him to be extra careful so he won't end up on a dinner plate up there.

2008-04-22T14:15:00.005-05:00

here is a short little instructional course on how to handle those people who annoy you incessantly. for demonstration purposes i've used kitteh's rather than humans. no kitteh's were harmed in the making of this course.

well the black kitteh's pride was a hurt a little.

2008-04-21T12:49:00.002-05:00

earlier this morning, nasa had to abort their latest shuttle launch attempt... on account of a giant mutant spider sent down from the chinese currently colonizing on the moon.

there is no word, yet, on how the chinese were able to hatch such a large spider, or how they got it down to earth at exactly the same time we were going to launch a shuttle, or how they were able to successfully colonize the moon... or why.

2008-04-17T14:25:00.001-05:00

again, th, i thought of you while choosing which pic to post today... you may want your hubby to see it as well... you know... just in case he gets a little confused. some people are more literal than others ya know.

2008-04-16T13:01:00.002-05:00

hey! dude...! they're on to us!! let's make a run fer it. we're too cute to get shot at - they wouldn't dare! ...come on... over here! climb over this fence, it'll be easy. uh! mmmph! ow! ack! wait!! i'm losing my grip... help me! why are you climbing up over there? come this way and help me... dude... don't just leave me hangin here!

oh man, you suck.

2008-04-15T09:10:00.002-05:00

i understand that some of you... okay, just one of you - and you know who you are - are getting a little freaked out by all the kitteh pics. so here is some relief... a bird pic! :)

now that is one bold seagull. the look on that guy's face as it steals the ice cream tells a story all its own. i think if he wasn't holding those packages in the other hand he might have just snatched that bird right out of the air and took his ice cream back. i'm thinking just after this pic was taken, he threw the empty cone at the bird, hit it in the head, and knocked it out... perhaps even retrieving the uneaten ice cream just for spite.

hey, at least the bird said thx!!

cheezburger

2008-04-14T15:11:00.000-05:00

oh my, i don't think i will have cheezburger for dinner tonite... it doesn't look berry appetizing. besides, there doesn't seem to be any lettuce or tomato, ketchup either. it's lookin kinda dry.

maybe it needs a bigger bun?

2008-04-11T13:32:00.000-05:00

friday... time to dance! everybody do the hammah time dance! kittah will show you how... but make sure you put on your parachute pants first!

2008-04-10T20:00:00.000-05:00

okay... comments... u = leave them. clicky on the "things to say" below the post... type in the big box on the right... type the funny letters into the next box... clicky the circle by the anonymousie word (unless you want to use your aim or google signon)... publish.

it's that easy. don't be scared. type your name or initials at the end of your comment if you use the anonymousie button so i know who you are -- or my doggie will bite you... bite... bite... bite... she is so scary, huh?

2008-04-10T14:02:00.000-05:00

sometimes in our lives we come across people who are dorks and just don't get it. i hope i never become one of those just-don't-get-its, but i guess you never know.

those who are currently just-don't-get-its don't know. i guess they just don't get that they're one of 'em. they're oblivious. (someone please tell me i'm not one, cuz how would i know, right?)

we all know at least one. perhaps it's the same one... nah! there's definitely more than one.

so i guess no matter how you look at 'em, they're still dorks. ya think? click on that *things to say* and tell me 'bout it...

sad kitteh

2008-04-09T13:24:00.000-05:00

even though i am extremely proud of our tigers, i have to admit that i has a sad.

i'm not sad for me though, i has a sad for joe dorsey the senior... his college ball days are over. i has a sad for derrick rose... he could have gone into the draft as a ncaa champion. i has a sad for cdr... if he stays another year he won't have dorsey and rose to dish to and receive dishes from (and i'm not talking tableware here). i has a sad for coach cal... having to give that speech in the locker room after the game, and staying poised in front of all the media.

but i don't has a sad all the way. memphians are still driving around with blue flags flying from their windows instead of hiding them in their garage, students and employees are still wearing their tiger blue instead of mourning in black, and there's a new push to replace mayor harringbone -- with joey dorsey. dorsey for mayor!

steeln da milk

2008-04-07T11:45:00.000-05:00

kittah tries to play innocent... not so good at it. looks like maybe he had a little too much milk, among other things.

oh yeah... go tigers!

belly bird

2008-04-04T12:06:00.000-05:00

this one's for t.h. even though we all know she has plenty in her belleh for now.

oops.

2008-04-03T12:13:00.000-05:00

andre, andre, andre... didn't anyone ever tell you to just say no?

me and the kittah's are sending good vibes to the rest of the memphis tigers and our coaches in the final four. here's to hoping we can scratch and claw our way through this and to the top!

...oh, and to joey dorsey's so called 'father'... way to jump on the bandwagon at the height of your son's college career! i hope joey remembers who taught him the discipline to work hard and become the best he can be -- his mother.

go tigers!!!

fairy dust

2008-04-02T08:56:00.000-05:00

not tinkerbell! she's gonna be mighty mad! you know she has a feisty little attitude - i'm thinkin she is gonna cause you some serious indigestion.

...bad kittah!

April 1 kittahs!

2008-04-01T10:12:00.000-05:00

today's kittahs don't seem to have very good smellers... otherwise i don't think they would be that close to this guy's feet.

spider vid

2008-01-24T12:32:00.000-06:00

okay... you've probably heard about/seen the video going around that shows spiders on different types of "substances" and what their webs look like... this one starts the same, however it gets much, much better - be sure to watch the whole thing!!

http://www.fwditon.com/attachments/2008/1/6/119966952775_TheWoodSpider_1.wmv

now aren't you glad you checked my blog today?

today's email joke

2008-01-23T08:50:00.000-06:00

One day my housework-challenged brother-in-law decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to my sister-in-law, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Tennessee."

And they say blondes are dumb...

2008-01-22T13:23:00.000-06:00

all i can really say is "amen".

okay, that's not really all i can say. but it really does make one think.

didja notice the name of the restaurant? huh.

upside downside up?

2008-01-11T13:51:00.000-06:00

uhmmmmmm... wow. so... uh yeah. hmmm. i think she was a little confused when they told her to put this dress on and strut out on the catwalk... perhaps she put it on a little upside down? ...and how about some hose, honey?

i'm scared.

time for 'nother kitty!

2008-01-09T12:46:00.001-06:00

mmmmm... corn on the cob... yummy! looks like kitty might have some trouble getting it off that cob - i don't see many teeth in that there mouth. or maybe you don't need teeth when the corn is invisible? something to ponder i guess.

i want an invisible bike!

2008-01-06T15:08:00.000-06:00

time for another kitty!! i'm not sure where he's riding to, but he must be going fast --his ears are even blowing back! he he he.

it boggles the mind

2008-01-04T08:33:00.000-06:00

you'd think that after 15 years of living here, things like this wouldn't effect me but they do...

the following happened yesterday in the county just south of us: a sheriffs deputy radio's in to dispatch stating he's going to go in and check a small store at a trailer park along a major highway. shortly after, he radios again, this time for backup saying two suspects shot him and sped off in a dark car. the officer had gun shot wounds in his left arm and right shoulder.

of course it didn't take long for over 100 officers from the city, county, and surrounding counties and cities to respond. some are at the scene of the crime, some on a manhunt for the suspects. the officer is rushed to the med (major trauma center in memphis) in non-critical condition with police escort and all. but the main investigator on the scene realizes things aren't adding up. some 12 shots were discharged from the officer's weapon--he states he responded with gunfire after being wounded. ten bullets are found in the surrounding area... 2 in him... hmmmm?

after investigators questioned the officer, he admitted to shooting himself. once in the left arm and once in his right shoulder. (dork.) okay, strange enough, but not the part that boggles my mind. the officer is fired (well, of course). but no charges will be filed against him.

no charges?!!? let's see, i don't know a whole lot about law enforcement, but i do know that filing a false report is a misdemeanor in that state/county. discharging a weapon within city limits (even for an officer, if there is no immediate danger) is against the law. and on the ironic (and, i admit, a little silly) side... the guy shot an officer of the law! :)

reports are now starting to come out that this officer has a history of attempting suicide (twice while on the force: shooting himself once in the stomach, and once in the thigh). this guy is a real prize.

next on the list of prizewinners is the county sheriff's commander. he says they have no motive as to why he did it. then goes on to say, "we have not had any indication that we have on file right now that he has a mental problem to the point there was a red flag that jumped up that something like this could occur." (in the first place... what? where did you learn to put a sentence together?) no indication? the two times that he attempted suicide while on the force with his service weapon didn't indicate a problem?

so here are my questions:

1) no charges against him? what about all the manpower/hours lost because of this incident? what about filing a false report?

2) he really sucks at marksmanship. stomach... thigh... shoulder... arm... how about aiming for the heart or just shove the thing in your mouth? (i know... sounds harsh, but dang! either get help or do it right.)

3) why is this guy allowed to carry a service revolver?

4) why is this guy still on the force at all?

5) how did he even get on the force with such crappy marksmanship? i mean, if you can't even get it right at point-blank range...?

more kitty!

2008-01-03T23:33:00.001-06:00

i just can't help myself! i love these photos. i wish i was clever enough to think up these things. i can just hear the kitty saying in his little head... "wait i will helps you type" and then reaching up to gently pull your thumb out of the way so he can press some keys for you. he wants to be part of the action, he wants you to remember that he is useful, he is a very helpful kitty. he's almost a team player - but no. kitties don't do teams very well.

in my dreams

2008-01-02T19:27:00.001-06:00

if this isn't familiar to you yet... it soon will be. you cannot escape the legos star wars!!! i see these things in my dreams. i worry about pulling levers and disguising myself as a storm trooper with a white helmet so i can sneak into places i'm not supposed to be. i spend precious dream time wandering around grey platforms looking for another stack of bouncing lego parts that i can put together at lightning speed. i worry that i won't be able to finish the level without help from my 6 year old. but i'm glad that when i run out of hearts and break into about 6-8 pieces that i will soon come back together again as good as i was before. this thing called legos star wars has taken over our lives!!

friends, if you haven't yet played this game, do so at your own risk. i swore i wouldn't get hooked... i should stop swearing, it only gets me in to trouble.

so it's new year's eve

2007-12-31T10:06:00.000-06:00

so here we are at the end of another year. where do they go? it used to seem to take forever for a new year to arrive now i can't keep them from blowing past me. whatever happened to 5th and 6th period graphic arts and annual staff? april fools day filling bob's car with newspaper and balloons? changing clothes (and drivers) while driving down to the river? trying to corrupt poor luke? carnival chasing? bitch sessions on some dirt road in the middle of nowhere? boy howdy those were the days, weren't they? okay, maybe not. sorry to bring it up.

now i just spend my time helping others solve their insurance problems, getting calls from afterschool care about my son pushing other kids down, and waiting for a glorious day every once in a while when i can get in a nap. boy am i old or what? damn reading glasses too - the worst part about them is that they actually help... a lot. I could possibly ignore them if they weren't so damn useful!

okay, this is where the mid-life crisis comes in. who wants to lend me some big bucks so i can go waste it on something frivolous? i need to find out i'm the lone heir of some really rich person that has just left me everything. i would share. i promise.

cat's can be funny

2007-12-30T14:48:00.000-06:00

i love these photos! i have them on my screen saver at work and they make me smile every time they come up. i have several, so i hope you like them too... cuz they're gonna keep on comin!

in the begining

2007-12-29T22:37:00.000-06:00

there was another blog at another site. but my friends did not like going there. so i created a new blog. i hope that this is friendlier than the former location. my choosen name, however was taken. "oneshoe" is someone elses blog name here, but their site is dumb... no posts. yeah, that's dumb. so here i am as "justoneshoe". that's all.

now lets have some fun.